By Paula Bianchi –
Suicide is the worst mind game. Most people never entertain the thought of ending their own lives because they know it isn’t an option, they would ever choose no matter what, but there are some troubled souls who choose to leave this world by their own hand.
For whatever reason, these people feel they would be better off if they weren’t here, and they feel their family and friends would be better off without them too. Their mind game lies within these troubled thoughts.
Our thoughts are very powerful. We can use our thoughts to lift us up, or we choose to let them tear us apart. It’s our emotions that orchestrate our thoughts every day. It’s up to us to decide how we’re going to compose them.
Will you focus your thoughts by choosing the positive notes, or will you use the negative ones? This choice is up to you every day.
There are times in our lives when we’ll have to face things we don’t want to face. A time when we’ll have to deal with something that was totally out of our control. Times when we’ll feel utterly alone, or we’ll have to endure the actions of negative people hurting us.
These obstacles can be overwhelming for those who are stuck in a loop of self-defeating thoughts and negative emotions. Because of their negative inner dialog, these events can spark a downward spiral into an abyss of depression, devastation, and hopelessness.
Some people may swim well, while others may find themselves sinking because they don’t have a clue of how to help themselves. This is true for most of us. No one taught us how to deal with negative people. It’s always been a kind of sink or swim attitude that’s been passed down for generations.
Seeking help from a medical professional, has always been frowned upon. I experienced this first hand. I was in a room with two other women (who were also molested when they were young), and during a heated exchange, they tried to make me feel like I was the weak one because I went into therapy. They presented themselves as the strong ones even when they could see that I was getting better. In their eyes, not seeing a doctor made them feel superior to me, but the opposite was true.
I know our society has put a stigma on mental health. Everyone expects you to just deal and get over it. Well, it’s not that easy for some. (It sure wasn’t for me.) They feel they can’t control the depression and hopelessness they experience every day. They grow so tired of it that they decide enough is enough. They get tunnel vision as they make themselves believe that it’s never going to get better.
Imagine someone who has to deal with chronic pain every day. This can be very debilitating, and it becomes hard to enjoy anything in life. Again, there are some people who have learned to cope with their pain, but not everyone is alike.
I have some people in my life who’ve had to deal with lasting pain. I can see the misery in their faces. Some may feel they’ve had enough, leaving them with the only path they see, to being pain free, is to check out of their life. I truly feel a deep empathy for these people.
Unrequited love, is another reason some may decide to take their own life. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s feelings, but this is a perfect example of placing your happiness in someone else’s hands. Taking control of this mind game, is a test to where you’re going to let your thoughts go. Remember, letting go is a process too. If you can talk yourself into being lost and hopeless without them, then, you can talk yourself into letting that person go for your own well-being. We have to make ourselves happy. We can’t depend on others to do it for us.
In the case of a murder/suicide, this is totally out of our control. We can go over things in our heads a million times about what you should of, could of, would of, done to stop it, but it will do you no good. Even hindsight can’t help you to avoid an event like this. You can make yourself sick and miserable by believing there was something you could have done to prevent this from happening. Let’s say you do come up with a solution to the event; you can’t spend the rest of your life beating yourself up for not acting back then to prevent it. That’s a useless mind game. Don’t let yourself get trapped in that mindset.
There are some who use the idea of suicide to control others. They announce, to those closest to them, that they’re going to kill themselves, so they can see how much these people care about them. They want these people to talk them out of it, but after the third or fourth time of threatening suicide, it resembles the story about the boy who called wolf too many times. People become numb to it and see that it’s just a ploy to get attention.
The worse kind of suicides are the ones where someone talked another person into killing themselves. It’s the cruelest form of suicide. To demean and ridicule someone into suicide, is vicious and cruel. Most of the time, our loved ones won’t tell us when someone is doing this to them. The sad part is they believe these sick people because it’s someone they love telling them to do this.
When it comes to the aftermath of suicide, it’s the people who are left behind that suffer the most. They’re left with a puzzle they’ll never be able to solve as they search for why their loved took their own life. Even when there’s a suicide note, it doesn’t answer all of the questions we have about their untimely death, and how we could have stopped it. Sometimes, the suicide victim lays the blame on someone else for their actions in their note. This is not true. They had a choice, and they chose to end it. Don’t let a statement like this haunt you for the rest of your life.
Some may think that those who choose to kill themselves are selfish. I can see how we can come to that conclusion, but we should also remember to use empathy when trying to figure out someone’s motive for committing such a terrible act. Take the time to imagine walking in their shoes and feeling what they must have felt.
Dealing with the outcome of a suicide, will ultimately lead us to accepting something we wished we never had to accept, but it’s the act of accepting that will truly set us free. Even when it’s the unacceptable.
According to some of the metaphysical books I’ve read, people who commit suicide, immediately regret their decision. Survivors of suicide relate this same sentiment. Using your freewill to kill yourself, doesn’t get you off the hook for the lessons you were supposed to learn. You get a one-way ticket back here to face all those problems again, so you’re not skipping out on anything you agreed to learn.
Now, my message to anyone who’s contemplating suicide. Please, reconsider your decision. I know it’s your life, and you’re in control of it, but I beseech you to seek out the help you need to get you through this. Suicide is not an answer to anyone’s problems. It’s just an ending that leaves those you care about mourning for your presence in their lives. If you want to do this because of another, don’t let them have that power over you.
I implore you to talk to a therapist, especially when you don’t want to. Don’t be so hell bent on leaving. This is not the only answer to your problem. Take charge of your inner dialog and steer it away from this terrible solution. You’re a lot stronger than you think.
If you, or anyone you know, are thinking about suicide, please contact: 1-800-273-8255 – suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
In my next Mind Games article, I’ll talk about expectations. Thanks for your visit. Bye for now.