By Paula Bianchi –
Assuming is a mind game we all play. We can assume something to be true without the evidence to support it. Some of us may assume a goal is out of our reach, when in fact, it isn’t. We assume we can’t fix something, when, we actually can. We even assume stuff, so we can avoid doing something we don’t want to do.
Most of our assumptions are based on fear, while others are based on our character in how we deal with things. A lazy person assumes bad outcomes, so they don’t have to engage or deal with their problems.
Assumptions based on fear, can hold us back in life. Some people may assume that the worse will happen, so they won’t even try to achieve their goals. They figure what’s the use because they’re so sure that their fear will be the outcome.
How many times a day do we assume how someone will react to something or how they feel? We assume what a doctor will say, so why even go to see him. We won’t invite someone to an event because we assume, they’ll say no. We can hide a talent because we assume no one would like what we’re doing or they’ll think we’re weird.
The examples are limitless when it comes to assuming, making it one of the most challenging mind games to win. To automatically assume something, not only hurts ourselves, but it can also hurt the person you’re assuming about.
So, what is the key to winning this mind game? It’s simple. Nothing complexed about it really. Here it is: Never assume anything, but if you do, always find out if what you’re assuming is true. Make the calls you need to make. Check with all who are involved. If you assumed something because you don’t want to do it, you should dive in and get it done. Always tell yourself that this is a mind game you can win.
Even with me knowing how to beat the game, my mind still wants to assume. The only difference now is, I take the time to see if what I’m assuming is true. The times when I assume something out of fear, I check to see if my fear is valid, and if it’s not, then I push that fear out of my thoughts. I refuse to feed it anymore of my energy.
When we assume about others, we are doing them such a disservice by not checking with them to see if what we assumed about them was true. This can cause arguments and hurt feelings between family and friends.
Sometimes we can use our assumptions to avoid things from changing in our lives. We can come to ridiculous conclusions to keep the status quo. Narcissists are notorious for doing this. Their assumptions rule their lives because they’re never wrong about anything. They give long lists of reasons why their assumptions are always right.
As a parent, we’ve all experienced assuming the worst when it comes to our kids. Especially when we don’t know where they are because they failed to call and check in. This is one of the many examples where our assumptions open the gates for worry.
Assuming and worry go hand in hand. We usually can’t feel one without the other. Of course, fear is in the driver’s seat. When these three take us for a joy ride, it’s up to us to put on the brakes, but I’m afraid it will still be a struggle to do this when family or friends are involved.
We learn our hardest lessons when we assume what another person’s motives are, or how they’re feeling. There are times when we’re right with our assumptions, but we have no proof. Now, we’re faced with the choice of pulling away from them before they drag our energy down.
A friend doesn’t call for a while, so we assume they don’t like us anymore, when in fact, they’re going through a tough time wishing someone would call them, or a sequence of events can make you assume one thing, but the reality is, it’s the opposite of what you assumed.
Sometimes, what we’re assuming is based upon a judgement. Every day when we walk out the door, we’re making assumptions about the people we see in any store, gas station, doctor’s office, restaurant, amusement park, bus, plane, and train. Our brain tries to fill in what we don’t know, and it’s capable of coming up with some elaborate stories, but it’s up to us to discover the real story and disregard the fantasy.
Making assumptions to fit our narrative, is a recipe for crushing our hopes and dreams because we may not always be right. In some cases, we don’t want to be right, but we fear that we are. This is a trap of our own making where we can be our own worst enemy.
If we assume the worst and always look for it in people, then, that’s what we’ll find. Assumptions can take us down a negative path if we let them, so stay strong and always be willing to steer down a positive road. We can find the good if that’s what we choose to see. It’s just a matter of choice.
In my next Mind Games article, I’ll talk about manipulation. Thanks for stopping by for a visit. Bye for now.