By Paula Bianchi –
When we say, relationships are complicated, I believe that to be a gross understatement. They go beyond being complicated into something that’s hard to explain to anyone because relationships can take on a life of their own. It’s hard to describe the inner workings of any relationship due to all the different layers they take on from the energy and emotions that are feeding it.
All of the relationships we encounter while we’re here, have all been meticulously planned. From our parents to our siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers, our boss, teachers, anyone we meet professionally, strangers we cross paths with, even our enemies, have all been put in our lives for a reason, which is usually connected to the lessons we need to learn to help us grow spiritually.
The dynamics of these relationships can either help us acquire what we want out of life, or they can hinder our progress. The choice is up to us. Some of the people in our lives are there to support us and help us through the hard times in life. Others are placed there to bring challenges for us to overcome, and some will test us to the very core, but whatever the circumstance, we always have the choice of how we’re going to let others influence us.
While we’re growing up, making friends with people we go to school with is our first experience with relationships outside of our families. We begin to learn, on our own, who we can trust and who we can’t. Kids can be cruel and for some of us, school can be a bad experience. Even so, we still try to make friends. Hopefully someone we can count on, but some will never be our friends.
This never changes as we go through life because there are always going to be some who like us and some that don’t. We just need to cultivate the positive relationships, and distance ourselves from the negative ones.
We’ve scripted our lives down to each and every scenario we can possibly encounter. The people who come into our lives, all come on Que. Every possible scene, with every possible outcome, is set, and we’re the stars of our own stories. It’s our emotions and reactions to what others do to us, or around us, plus whatever actions we decide to do to ourselves or others, that drives our story.
Let’s set a scene with the very first people we encounter here, our parents. Having parents, or not having them, is our first experience with relationships, so here’s the scene.
Gary was born into a family with two verbally abusive parents both of whom he loves. They took good care of him and gave him everything he could ever want, but the way that they talked to him made him feel bad about himself, and it weighed heavily on him. His parents were quick to criticize him and showed little interest in anything Gary wanted to do, unless it was something, they wanted him to do.
From an early age, Gary loved music. As a way of dealing with his overbearing parents, Gary dove into learning how to play the piano at school, and he joined the choir. When he was home, he was usually in his room teaching himself how to play the guitar, but it was also a way to distance himself from his critical parents. Even though his parents could clearly see their son’s talents, they already had plans for him to become a lawyer like his father and join his father’s firm, but Gary never wanted that.
As Gary’s senior year quickly approached, his parents put more and more pressure on him to go to law school. Gary started to feel so much stress and anxiety that even his music couldn’t help him escape anymore. It would seem that Gary had reached the proverbial fork in the road. One road lead to the music that he loves, and the other one leads him to becoming a lawyer, leaving Gary feeling lost and depressed because his parents wouldn’t support what made him happy. But, a fork in the road has more than two prongs, or roads, to choose from.
In the midst of his frustration, Gary makes a new friend who introduces him to drugs. His parents could see the change in him right away, but Gary was numb to their words now, which made him feel like he was more in control of his life, but he wasn’t. There wasn’t anything his parents could say or do to get him off the road he was going down.
In the meantime, Gary’s music teacher has noticed a change in his star pupil and has decided he wants to help get Gary back to what he clearly has a lot of talent for, his music. His teacher has heard, through the grapevine, that Gary started doing drugs. This is something this teacher has a lot of experience with because of his own addictions, and also because he lost his son to an overdose.
Out of the blue one day, Gary’s teacher asks him to stay after class because he wanted to have a talk with him. Gary has a deep respect for his teacher, and they’ve had a very close relationship through their mutual love for music. The teacher lays it all on the line for him about a life with drugs. He shared his own experience with addiction, and how he lost his son to an overdose. He also said all the things Gary needed to hear for so long that his parents would never say.
His teacher encouraged Gary to pursue a career in music because he had a lot of talent, and to enroll in a College of Fine Arts. Gary explained what his parents have been pushing him to do his whole life and told him he never wanted to become a lawyer. All the teacher asked was, “Whose life is it, yours or theirs?”
His heart to heart with his teacher helped him get back on track and was the turning point in Gary’s life. It put him on the road he was truly meant to be on, so he could go on to meet all the people who would help him achieve his goals and success in life, if he chooses.
When Gary got home, he told his parents how he felt about their plans for his future, then, he explained how much music meant to him and told them where he wanted to go to College. To his surprise, after just a few critical words, they supported him, which in turn helped him to become a famous musician. Turns out that standing up to his parents, was part of the lessons Gary needed to learn in this life.
Some time or another, Gary will be faced with drugs again and will have to choose whether he’s going to let himself go down that road. Hopefully, he’s placed the right people in his life to help him avoid letting that happen. It’s all up to him.
In writing this story, I could have taken you down the other road Gary could have chosen which would have taken him deeper into the drug world with a different cast of characters that he would have dealt with. There are so many possibilities in life, and we’ve scripted them all. Why? Because of free-will, we had to cover all of the bases.
We’ve written all the possibilities and put all the right people in place for any scenario of every major choice we make here. Relationships are the corner stones in our lives. If we neglect them, the important ones can disappear, but there are some relationships that are not the best for us. Part of our lessons, is to know when to let some people go. The ones who steer us away from our positive path are a test for us to do just that. So, choose to be kind and expect others to treat you in the same way. This will help you weed through your relationships and choose the positive ones.
In my next Mind Games article, I’ll talk about hate. Thanks for your visit. I appreciate you sharing your time with me. Bye for now.