Mind Games: Change

By Paula Bianchi –

Everything you see changes. It’s hard to name anything that doesn’t. Change is the most constant thing in our lives, but for many people out there, this is their biggest mind game. Why is that? Because, they can’t or won’t accept change. They fight change and let it cause, in their minds, sadness, anger, frustration, helplessness, fear, grief, denial, and solitude, just to name a few. For a lot of people, change is the barrier between them and happiness.

I used to be afraid of change. I dreaded the day my kids would be all grown up and not need me anymore. I hated thinking of when they’d move away. At the time, I was only thinking about myself and not what they might aspire to be. When the day finally came, I was devastated. I moped around the house and fell into depression. I felt like I no longer had a purpose.

Then one day, while I was driving home from my therapy appointment, I realized I was being my own worst enemy. I was fighting change instead of exploring the possibilities of my future. From that day on, I learned to go with the flow. Change the things that I can, and accept the things I cannot change. This epiphany changed my life.  

Change is what fuels the reason why we come here to Earth. Without it, there wouldn’t be any lessons for us to learn. We wouldn’t have any challenges to surmount. Sounds pretty boring to me. This is why we all need to remember that change is good. It’s the part of life that makes us grow because without it, we’ll stagnate and get stuck in our lives.

When we encounter the negative stuff in life, these are opportunities for us to make a change, so we can learn the lessons we set for ourselves to overcome. Let’s suppose we have some negative traits like: procrastination, being selfish, always being late, quick to anger, being too judgmental, being too confrontational, a smoker, a drug addict, alcoholic, and so on, then, we meet that special someone, and realize we have to change our negative trait to be able to have that person in our lives.

The challenge now is if we can change so we can make somebody happy plus make ourselves happy too. Sometimes this is not the case, and we fall back into old habits and lose the person we loved which drives us further into our negative trait. Once depression sets in, all our hard work flies right out the window. It can be a vicious cycle that only we can change.

For change to come, it takes patience, and the drive to succeed. An important thing to remember is, you can only change yourself, not others. This is the roller-coaster ride we sign up for when we come here. If, for instance, we feel we can stop change by controlling others, we’re in for a rude awakening. People will only be controlled for so long before they realize they need to make a change, for their own well-being, and get away from their manipulator.

Many of us have a hard time dealing with the changes that happen around us. Moving into a new home, in a new neighborhood, can be challenging for some. Being forced to find a new job, can weigh heavily upon us. Our children growing up and moving away is a very hard change to accept. A divorce is even harder. There are so many things, during our lives, that we just can’t control or make better. What others say or do is a big example of that.

The person who’s been bad mouthing you at work and gets you fired from your job was out of your control. People who don’t like you because of the rumors they’ve heard about you. A person who sets their sites on your spouse and causes him/her to break up the marriage. The first and foremost thing you have to remember is, you can’t control how others think and feel, or the actions they choose to do against you.  

Another hard change to accept, is anything that has to do with our bodies. All the things we take for granted about our bodies, can be taken away in an instant by sickness or accidents. We can also suffer from others causing us psychological change.

My Dad lost his leg to diabetes, and he didn’t want to accept it. When he learned they had to cut the other leg off too, that’s when he decided he didn’t sign up for a life like that, then sepsis took his life before the doctors could take his other leg.   

There are some who alter their bodies with cosmetic surgery or tattoos and piercings. Some love the changes, while others may regret them and seek out ways to change their bodies back to the way they were. Some may get a face-lift, or some other type of cosmetic surgery, and regret it, which fills them with remorse from their choice.

Growing older, opens the door to many unwanted changes in our bodies. Our skin starts to sag and get wrinkly. We get age spots and scars from surgeries. We pick up something, that in the past wasn’t a problem, only to learn we no longer have the strength to pick it up. Of course, most of these things can be corrected, if we want to commit to the change. Going to the gym, and doing some kind of exercise, is a benefit no matter how old we are. Seeking out cosmetic surgery to shave off some years, is a choice that many of us make.

The people who come in and out of our lives can bring enlightened change. Especially if we didn’t want them to go. These types of relationships teach us many lessons. Our reaction to them, teaches us even more. To bring positive changes in our lives, we need to choose positive solutions for our problems. The Serenity Prayer teaches us to accept the things we cannot change. To have the courage to change the things that we can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference.

The grief we feel and have to deal with because of a death causes the worst kind of change. Learning to live without a loved one can seem impossible. Later, we discover that we have no choice. We have to teach ourselves how to go through life without them, making us feel like change is being forced upon us.

Our society changes with each decade that passes, and we are all being tested to see if we’re learning how to not repeat the negative lessons from our past. Things like war and racism are going to keep being presented to us until we learn to put an end to it in positive ways. Until we do, we’ll keep seeing history repeat itself over and over. We all just want to love our family/friends and live in peace.

Embrace change because fighting it can only bring you down. The changes in your life should always reflect a positive light for you to grow spiritually. Where your thoughts go, your energy flows. Remember that the secret to life is, how we treat each other.

In my next Mind Games article, I’ll talk about relationships. Thanks for the visit. Bye for now.

Email: Remyel@hotmail.com