By Paula Bianchi –

I, just like many of you, have dealt with depression many times throughout my life. To say it’s been a struggle at times, would be an understatement. It took me until I was in my forties to learn how to cope and deal with another one of life’s hardest mind games. My body forced me to deal with my anxiety and depression when it sent me to the ER, which in turn, sent me to my Psychologist. She had my primary doctor prescribe something for my depression, then, we tackled the root of my problem through therapy. By unpacking my baggage of all the negativity that had been weighing me down, I opened my mind to solutions I had never thought of before. Why? Because my new solutions, where based on me and how I would react to the forces that are out of my control. I stopped being my own worst enemy.

Depression may vary from person to person depending on their attitude and their level of acceptance. It’s hard trying to keep ourselves positive when life keeps knocking us down. Most of us stuff down the depression and suffer in silence. Take Robin Williams for example. Here’s one of the greatest comedians who made so many people laugh with his quick wit, when all the while he was miserable and unhappy with his life. Depression is a personal thing, so is how we choose to deal with it.

Sadly, suicide is the solution for a percentage of people every day because they feel they can no longer deal with their depression, but running from your problems and leaving before you’ve learned your lessons here, only means you have to come right back down to this Earth school facing all the same lessons again until you work through and solve the issues that are making you depressed in the first place.

Our depression seems to come mainly from two things; from the things we ‘don’t want’ and from the things that are out of our control.  What we ‘don’t want’ falls into a vast abyss of possibilities for everyone as we’re presented with different situations which come with different solutions throughout our lives. It’s the choices that we make, and the dialog in our heads, that can either make or break us. If you can mentally talk yourself into depression, then, you should be able to talk yourself out of it too.

Most of the time, it’s not easy conducting your own thoughts. The first thoughts you should push aside are the fear-based thoughts. Approach these thoughts with you acknowledging them, then telling yourself you’re not going to worry about it until you cross that bridge. By eliminating the fear of the unknown, you elevate your energy making you stronger and more able to deal with the real issue or problem instead of the unfounded fears around the situation.

One of the hardest depressions is when we long for something and can’t have it. Things like: having no friends, unrequited love, friends drifting away, a better job, a house or car you can’t afford, an unhappy marriage, can all hang heavily in your mind spinning a constant loop of dialog in your head, which for the most part, may make you feel like this is what you deserve.

We get depressed about our health. It’s a no brainer that we’ll have to deal with different ailments throughout our lifetime. This type of depression hit me hard when I was dealing with my colon cancer in ’05. It sent me back to my therapist. She helped me to accept what was happening to my body, and helped me to realize my attitude was the key to winning my mind game. It was my choice how I was going to react to this outside intruder who took over my life for 8 months. Even after adjusting my outlook and attitude, I still found moments, usually while I was in the shower, where I would break down and cry wishing it was all over.

Addictions are another source of depression. We want to lose weight, but we continue to over eat. We want to stop drinking, but we just drink more. Same with drugs. Why do we continue to do things that make us more depressed or make us lose everything or everyone that matters? Well, we were depressed before we started doing these things to ourselves.  We do them in an attempt to self-medicate and make ourselves feel better about the negative baggage we’ve been carrying all our lives. To conquer this mind game; you have to go into therapy. With the help of your doctor, you’ll discover what you’ve been unwilling to confront, so you can finally let it go and move on with your life forever free from the prison you’ve made in your mind. If one doctor isn’t the right fit, then search for another until you find the right therapist for you.

It’s hard to explain why some people become depressed while others don’t. I believe that has a lot to do with our early years. What may be hard for some, may be a breeze for someone else because of our upbringing or experiences in life. When it comes to any kind of abuse we endured while growing up, you have to confront it to move on. The people at the top of the scale won’t let outside influences get them down and won’t allow themselves to be defeated by their own thoughts. The people at the bottom of the scale may view themselves as a victim of life, always getting the short end of the stick. The rest of us fall somewhere in between.

The depression we go through after the death of a loved one or an estrangement from family or friends, can run deep. We don’t want to accept a life without them in it. This way of thinking can hold you back from the healing you need to move on with your life. It’s hard to let people go especially when you didn’t choose for it to happen, but people grow and change. Estrangement is worse than death because of all the mind games it causes.    

No matter which kind of depression you have, your inner dialog, from your inner child, is going to run through your head whether you want it to or not. Don’t let it control you. You have to learn how to control your inner thoughts of negativity and raise your thinking to positive thoughts. You have to be your own cheerleader who will cheer you on when you find positive solutions to the things that make you so depressed. Someone who will cheer you on for your positive choices and steer you clear of the negative ones. Remember, what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Don’t forget, where your thoughts go, your energy flows.

Come back for my next therapy article about my colon cancer. Thanks for the visit. Bye for now.

remyel@hotmail.com