By Paula Bianchi –
It had been a long time since I used Tara Sutphen’s, “Automatic Writing” tape, but I went searching for it after my Dad died in 2006 from natural causes. In the days leading up to his death, my Dad struggled with accepting his new normal without his leg. I could tell he didn’t want to do it. I saw it in his eyes when I went to visit him in the hospital. So, when they found gangrene in his other foot too, he was done with life. He did not want to live without his legs, then after the doctors told him he had Sepsis, I get the sense that he willed himself to die. He stopped eating and wasn’t very talkative, so it seemed a bit unusual to see him sitting up in bed, the day before he died, eating lime flavored Jello and smiling a smile like he knew something we didn’t. He seemed very happy and excited.
His eyes would dart around the room following something I couldn’t see. Dad asked my husband to crank up the head of his bed, so he crouched down and turned the handle on the old bed a few times until my Dad told him to stop. My husband stood up then joined me on the other side of the bed. I’ll never forget the look on my Dad’s face as he looked down to where my husband was, then he looked at my husband as he stood beside me. His eyes went back and forth from my hubby to where he had been. Finally, he laughed and ask, “Are you fooling with me?”
“What do you see, Dad?” I asked.
“I see my old army buddies joking around with me.”
My Dad was seeing the people he knew were dead, and they were on the other side waiting for him. The very next day, we went to visit, and I brought the twins with me to see him too. I went into the room first to check on him, and he was lying there very still. He had nothing covering him, so I grabbed a blanket and put it over him. As soon as I did that, he started shivering and cracked his eye open just enough to peak at me. I told him I brought the girls with me and he smiled. They came in, and he continued to just peak at us. I figured he was really tired, so I gave him a kiss on his cheek, told him I loved him and we’ll come back tomorrow.
An hour after we got home, my phone rings and it’s my sister telling me Dad had passed away. I felt confused because we had just seen him. Thinking back on it, we must have interrupted him in his final moments on earth. We were the last ones to see him before he left. It’s hard losing a parent, but accepting it was easier knowing it was what he wanted. It was time for him to graduate from this earth school, and I felt happy knowing he got what he wanted.
While he was alive, we talked of ways he would leave signs for me. He told me he would futz with electrical stuff, and he’s been true to his word. We’ve had lights flicker and my dyer beeps for no reason. One day I was standing next to a book case, that held all my grandkids books. A few of them were talking books. I was looking into the play room because I had seen something dart by the door. Suddenly, I heard, “Goodbye for now” from a talking Winnie the Pooh book. That book only said that as your closing it. I knew it was my Dad, so I spoke out loud to him and thanked him for the sign. Then a thought occurred to me prompting me to ask for a more specific sign.
I asked my Dad to play the song, “Shock the Monkey” for me, then as an after thought I mentioned a song that would really make me think of him and that was the song we sang together when I was very young called, “Inch Worm,” but I thought it would be too hard for him to play that song for me.
About a month went by, and I had forgotten about asking my Dad for a song, then, one night I was up late by myself, surfing the channels trying to find something to watch. I clicked on a channel and saw a program I used to love watching. It was Quantum Leap, and the episode was entitled, Another Mother. It was just starting, so I settled in to watch the show. A half an hour into the show, I see Al, the hologram, singing Inch Worm to the little kid on the show. I burst into tears, and I felt the energy of my Dad giving me a hug. It wrapped around me like a blanket, and the feeling was electric. After I experienced some of his signs, I thought maybe the time was right for me to try the tape again in the hopes of visiting with my Dad.
This time when I sat down to listen to Tara’s tape, I decided I wasn’t going to write anything down. I didn’t want anything to distract me in case my guide would finally allow me to call someone in. I was full of anticipation this time because I just had a feeling it was going to be different. When Tara’s voice instructed me to call in the person I wanted to visit, I looked at my Spirit Guide, and she just smiled and nodded letting me know I could call someone in. “Dad! Dad!” I called out.
Suddenly, my Dad materialized in the archway. He glided towards me, as I ran into his arms. We hugged for a moment or two, then, we sat down on the couch and had the best visit. I held his hands and marveled at how young and healthy he looked in his flowing white robe. He told me what it was like when he died, and how everyone he knew, on the other side, had welcomed him home. His buddies from the war were there with his family and friends. He was very calm and serene. He told me how good it felt to be out of his old body.
I asked him what he was doing now, but he was a little vague with his answers except to say that he’s watching over me. I guess I wasn’t supposed to know, so I didn’t push him to share anymore. We talked a lot about my Mom, and he was giving me messages to give to her because he knew she was going through a hard time without him. Just as he finished telling me about Mom, Tara’s voice came booming in my ears telling me it was time to leave. We got up and said our good byes. I told him I would visit him again. He smiled and said he was looking forward to it.
When I opened my eyes, I just laid there taking in all that had just happened. If it was a dream and all in my head, well it was the best dream I’ve ever had. It left me feeling energized and fulfilled. I will always miss my Dad, but it’s comforting to know he’s watching over me. To help with my grief, I picture him being in the most exotic, beautiful place, and one day I’ll join him there.
I relayed all that he wanted my Mom to know and explained to her what Automatic Writing was. I was talking to her about all things metaphysical, and she was intrigued just like my Dad was. She passed away in 2015. Nine years after my Dad. I’m sure it was the hardest years of her life because all she wanted was to be with him. We had a long time to plan out ways that she was going to give me signs from the afterlife. Just days before she died, we talked about Automatic Writing again, and I asked her if she would do it with me. She said she would.
I’ll continue with what happened with my Mom in Automatic Writing 3. Until next time. Like my Dad had the book say to me, Goodbye for now.