By: Paula Bianchi –
People are so intertwined into our lives. We have those who are the closest to us such as family and friends, then, we have the everyday people we come into contact with. Some of these people are positive influences in our lives, and some of them are negative influences. Both types are filled with the lessons we need to learn, and how we choose to treat them, or how they treat us, can either raise or lower our energy.
Now I can’t forget to mention the people who are in our lives for fleeting moments. They’re the people who swoop in at just the right moment to give comfort or to save our lives. I consider these people to be angels on earth. If you’ve ever experienced someone like this, you are truly blessed.
It was during my first round of therapy when I began to understand that I can’t control what other people do. Whether it was something they were doing to me/themselves, or if I wanted to do something to them/myself. The key to the equation was always me. How was I going to react to what’s being done to me, or how was I going to treat others? We all face this quandary every day.
When we’re small, we don’t have the social tools to deal with adults, which leaves us vulnerable to people who want to take advantage of us. Being young and naïve is what they look for, so they can mold and manipulate their victim. This was a big hurdle for me to wrap my mind around. Why do people choose to do such negative things to each other?
The answer to that question is both simple and complex. All of our actions stem from two needs, what we want or don’t want. The complex part is how we choose to fulfill our needs. The menu of choices can be unending with one side full of positive choices, and the other side is filled with the negative ones. With each hurdle in life, we have to choose which side we’re going to order from.
Our choice is also fueled by what we’ve experienced in life and how it affected us. If someone has had a tuff life and it leaves them combative because of it, they may see life as a dog eat dog world. Giving them a take what you can attitude and screw the consequences. They don’t care about other people if their standing in the way of what they want. They’re going to take what they want regardless of who they step on along the way.
Another person may view this same tuff life in quite a different way. This person will take the lemons in life and make lemonade. They choose to turn the negatives into positives, while still another person may become timid and try to seclude themselves from society in an attempt to protect themselves from all the negativity in the world. The choices and the circumstances are unlimited.
This is why it’s so important for us to not judge people so quickly. We don’t know what they’re going through, or what happened to them along the way, and they don’t know what has happened to us. We must remind ourselves of this every day when dealing with the people coming in and out of our lives. Even those who are the closest to us, can hide what’s really going on inside. Which begs the question: Can you really ‘know’ someone? The answer is; we’ll only know what they want us to know.
People who live down the street from a neighbor who turns out to be a murderer may say something like, “He was always so nice and helpful to us. I can’t believe he did this.” While others may state, “He did seem a little off and quiet and never said hello to us.” We can learn more about someone from their attitude and actions, but we have to pay attention, or we can miss the important clues that point out someone’s character.
One emotion that can keep us from doing that is love. This one emotion can interfere with us seeing the true side of someone. Even when family and friends are warning them about this new person in their life, they choose not to listen. They’re led by their hearts, then, when it turns out that all the warnings were true, they put themselves down for not listening to their loved one’s advice. Regret is one of the biggest mind games.
Most of the mind games we play are due to other people. Whether they wronged us in life, or made us the happiest we’ve ever been, we always have to deal with the actions or re-actions they bring into our lives. Acceptance is the key to any mind game. You can never move on until you accept what has been done to you, or how another person feels.
For me, to accept and move on from what my molester put me through took a lot of effort on my part. Re-directing all the feelings and emotions he left me with, was not an easy chore. I blamed myself for his actions against me. My thoughts and feelings about sex were the hardest to deal with. He was always in my head taking over this intimate moment between me and my husband, but I never let my husband know what was going on inside of me. I stuffed it all down for years until it wouldn’t let me anymore. Without knowing it, I became my own worst enemy until I went through therapy.
So, what is your mind game right now? Is it regret, grief, unrequited love, dealing with the actions of another, patience, a longing for, hatred, or revenge to name a few? How can the choices you make either help or hurt you? Before you make a choice, remember these simple rules: 1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 2. You can’t control anyone. The secret to life is how we treat others. When you’re considering an action towards another, ask yourself if it’s something you would want done to you. Now there may be times, in life, where you will have to choose to do something negative towards another due to their negative actions, or to protect an innocent, an animal or a person, from the negative actions of another. It’s important for us to use empathy before every choice because we all came down to earth with the same purpose. To raise our energy with positive choices/actions, and to make ourselves happy, but not at the cost of hurting another human being.
In my next Mind Games article, I’ll talk about the mind game of grief and its many forms. Thanks for visiting. Bye for now.