By Paula Bianchi –
I know it’s Tuesday, and you were expecting to find the next installment of: Lucy in the Afterlife, but I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until next Tuesday. This Mind Games article was begging to be written, so I did. Hope you enjoy.
Whether we realize it or not, most of our emotional issues, in life, stem from something we’ve been carrying around with us since our early childhood. This period of time in our lives can be the most harrowing to overcome due to the fact that when we’re young, everything that happens to us was, more than likely, out of our control.
From the day we’re born, we deserve to be: loved unconditionally, nurtured, comforted, cared for, treated with kindness and respect, to be protected from all harm, (mentally and physically) and to feel secure in our environment.
It falls upon the chain of people in our lives like: our parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, to make sure we feel all these things while growing up, but sadly, for most of us, this will not be the case.
It only takes one person, in the chain, to screw up our experience in life, and ruin our perception of the world, which can send us on an emotional roller coaster ride for the rest of our lives. The sad part is; some of us may not realize we’re lashing out, in our adult lives, in response to what happened to us during our childhood, and how we chose to deal or not deal with it.
Some people are born into an abusive family environment causing their perception of the world to be very dark. They can choose to learn how to deal with this negative atmosphere in the most primitive way, but this choice can lead them to repeating this negative cycle.
A child, who has been beaten and abuse, can grow up with so much pent up anger that they act out on it. As an adult, the abusee becomes the abuser emulating what they grew up with. The molestee becomes the molester. The primitive way is the worst way of dealing with these negatives.
Now, if this same child has a positive influence in their life, the chances for them to make positive choices comes into play, but only if they choose to listen. By listening to the positive, this child could end up being an advocate for abused children, or they can choose to help others who were molested or raped while growing up.
These two contrasting examples are largely based on the perception and attitude this child had about the situation. The first was about anger and thinking of, or doing, the worst, while, the second was about doing some good with the difficult situation this child was born into.
Another way an abused or neglected child can choose to deal with their environment is to retreat within themselves. They do this because they don’t feel like they’re important, or they feel no one will believe them. These children suffer in silence as they try to process their way through what is happening to them.
Knowing what I know now, when I hear a child being described as shy and withdrawn, it makes me wonder about their home life because this is how my teachers described me. It took a lot of therapy for me to survive my childhood, but it was sure worth it. (I wrote about this in two previous articles called: Therapy: Go Get You Some! and Treatment: It’s So Worth It!)
It takes a strong minded individual to not emulate the negative environment they were raised in. In most cases, people who are raised by bigots will become bigots themselves. Racist parents beget racist children. A narcissus can raise a narcissus and so on.
Children tend to emulate what they were taught. Most of the time, they do this for approval and love from their parents. They behave how they were raised making them lean towards, and agree with, their parent’s view of the world, but some may choose not to emulate how they were raised because they want nothing to do with that negativity. They’ll do everything they can to not repeat it.
Just depends on the person, and their attitude about the situation. Our attitude equals our choices. Bad attitude; bad choices. Good attitude; good choices. The hard part is wading through all the emotions we’re feeling to get us there.
There’s always a part of us who knows the root of our problem stems from our childhood, but we refuse to unpack that baggage because we don’t want to relive it. It’s too painful to remember. If we survived the worst, we don’t want to look at it again for fear of the emotions it will evoke, but I learned it was the only way to set myself free.
We think if we keep our negative experiences buried, so they never see the light of day, we’ll be better, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. We feel like we have it under control. The truth is, by not confronting it, it will still have power over us.
Our childhood is the foundation we build our lives upon. If there are some cracks between the bricks, it’s up to us to fill them in. When we do that, we become stronger. It’s in our best interest to find a professional Therapist who will help us unpack the baggage from our past, so we can look at it, then let it go. Holding on to a negative past, only hurts us in the end and keeps us from moving forward in our lives. We can’t live our lives looking in a rear-view mirror. It serves no purpose.
We can’t change the past, but we can change the way we want to view it. Don’t be your own worst enemy.
Where your thoughts go; your energy flows.
In my next Mind Games article, I’ll finally write about diversity, unless, some other topic presents itself. Lol. Thanks for stopping by for a visit. Bye for now.