Inner Child: Be stern but patient.

By Paula Bianchi –

The idea that we need to parent ourselves may sound silly, but it’s very true. From the day we’re born, we’re on a constant quest to please our inner child. It’s his/her voice you hear everyday telling you what you like or dislike. Rating how a person has treated you. Telling you what you want or don’t want, and how to get it or stop it from happening. Every time you have to make a choice, you’re presented with either a positive or a negative way to obtain it. This is our lives, 24/7.

With that being said, it shows how hard it can be to control the inner dialog in our heads. We struggle when our thoughts become dark, fearful, hateful, aggressive, worrisome, or dismissive to name a few. It’s hard to deal with self-abusive thoughts. Most of this dialog stems from our childhood, or from the things we’ve experienced through life. Whether our needs or wants were fulfilled while having these experiences, really shapes the inner narrative of ourselves and our lives. Where your thoughts go; your energy flows. It takes a lot of energy to guide your inner child because he/she may not always want what’s good for them. This is especially true if getting what you want means hurting someone along the way.

The idea that you have an angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other is not too farfetched. Everyday we struggle with which one we’re going to let our inner child listen to because you ALWAYS have the final say.  A childhood friend once told me what she thought the secret to life was. She said it’s how we treat others. I believe she’s right. We have a choice to be good or bad, and also how we treat people or ourselves.

After going through therapy and understanding more about how to deal with my inner child, I started becoming more aware of my inner thoughts, and how I was able to control them. I saw how I was being my own worst enemy if I let my thoughts consume me. I started taking control of the mind games I was playing with myself, but sometimes my feelings or moods would often sabotage my end game making it hard to win.

When I started thinking of it as a game in my head pitting myself against my inner child, I was more willing to pull myself out of the emotion of the situation and focus on the problem, instead of how it was making me feel. Now I’m not saying my emotions don’t count, it’s just that they can get in the way of making the right choice. One of my early choices in reading materials really came in handy at this point in my life.

It was towards the end of my twenties, when I was drawn to the Metaphysical section of the book store. That day was the beginning of a lifelong obsession for me, and I’ve learned so much over an extended amount of time, but for now I want to share the importance of meditation because I have used it as a key (or cheat) in all of my mind games.

Meditation isn’t that hard or complexed. Anyone can do it, as a matter of fact, we already do it every day in the form of daydreaming. The only difference between meditation and daydreaming is you don’t let your mind wander. You focus your thoughts on one thing and when your mind strays to unwanted thoughts, you calmly push them away bringing you back to what you chose to focus on. Doing this really helped me through my biggest mind game; Cancer.

Having colon cancer was one of the worst things I had to confront during my lifetime, and my inner child did her best to freak me out about it. When I went to every office visit, I had to make sure my husband was there because my head took up permanent residence in the clouds. It was the longest 9 months of my life. Trying to control my mind from going to the dark places became such a chore, but one thing was even harder; watching my husband dealing with everything that was happening to me.

The doctor had gotten all the cancer during surgery, but they recommended getting chemo just as a precaution in case any cells may have remained. I faced a daily challenge to where I was going to let my thoughts go. Chemo treatments suck. The energy in the office alone was so draining. All of us sitting there hooked up to a bag of medicine slowly dripping into our vein was very humbling. I vowed on my first visit I was going to be a good and pleasant patient. I joked with everyone in the office and visited with my fellow patients. I brought word search and sudoku puzzle books or just books to read. I tried to do anything and everything to keep myself upbeat, and it worked. I won the battle, and now I’m cancer free.

I was left with a new mind game, though, and I have to play it every time the doctors find something concerning. The “do I have cancer again” game. At least, so far, this one’s been a much shorter game than the original one, but I’ve played it 4 times now, and I’m sure I’ll have to play it a few more times during my life.

Finding cancer in me, sent me back to my Psychologist because I needed help coming to terms with what was happening. It’s the things we don’t want to accept that can be the hardest to deal with, and I learned the faster I was to accept anything, the better it made me feel. It brought me to a point in my life, after going through 2 rounds of therapy, where I imagined myself squatting behind home plate, hitting my catcher’s mitt, then, holding it out there ready to catch my next problem.  When I catch one, I look at it closely and decide how I’m going to deal with it. Fighting off my negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones, is better for my mind and spirit. It has become my new norm, and just like a garden, I have to tend to it every day to keep the weeds out.  

Next time, I’ll share more on how to play some of these mind games. Thanks for dropping bye.  Let me know what you think of my blog so far.

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